Doing what I want

There is a delicate balance between what I want to do and what I must do to "survive". Now that I am tenured - I have a permanent job, - I have more freedom to decide what to do (how to direct my research, how to run my group, how to teach). There is a lot of freedom in the 'what to do' but also in the 'how', and both are important. 

Freedom comes with a price: one must constantly apply it in a conscious way. It is too easy to get swept by inertia; by what is trendy; by what we think others expect from us. Psychologically, it is safer to follow the trend rather than to be authentic. After all, if we fail, at least we fail "doing what was expected from us". Under these circumstances, failure seems more acceptable. On the other hand, succeeding in this manner may be a failure in disguise: a success by consensus may not be a real success. 

I do believe that everyone is unique in terms of motivations, skills, beliefs, experiences,..., and what makes us unique keeps changing. The output of our work may seem impersonal, but it is the result of human endeavor. When we devoid our work of ourselves, we experience a certain level of failure, even if the result seems a success. 

The freedom in our work comes only when we can express ourselves (our passions, our motivations, our views, our ways) in what we do; independently of if we receive the applause of the public or not.

Of course, we must survive - we have to be accepted, be part of this world, follow the rules of "the game"- so, we have to keep a balance. The good thing of "having to survive" is that we are pushed out of our comfort zone. We are pushed into new territory that otherwise we would be unwilling to explore. This keeps us growing - expanding what makes us 'unique'.

Both freedom and survival must find a balance in our lives, and when we earn freedom there is only one responsible thing to do: be brave and use it!