Job-hunting and losing well-being

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Some years ago, I had a very tough period because of my career. It was the time of job-hunting, the time when I was trying to become independent in my research, and to get a job that could afford me that independence. And it was not easy, especially because I also wanted to be close to my husband. By "close" I mean to have a good connection like a direct flight to wherever my husband was (he is also an academic).

The job applications and the interviews became a soul-killer. It is hard to explain how the process worked. It ended up eating me inside. This happens to many. It created wounds. At the moment I did not realize that. I thought that the instant I would get a decent job, I would just forget about all that and move on. That is what I do, leave the past in the past. But it did not happen that way. 

I remember starting off in Vienna (actually, the second great job that I got, the first one was at the University of Sussex). In Vienna everything looked great - from the outside. From an objective perspective, all was good - except that my husband was not with me, actually, he was rather far from me, and that was a big minus. In any case, I did not feel alright. And I did not feel alright for a long time. It was not sadness nor anger, I just felt unwell emotionally: heavy, unmotivated, and everything was gray. But there was no apparent cause. I had underestimated the lasting effects of the anxiety and the stress of that job-hunting period, of that effort to make my career take off. Something had burn-out.

It was quite annoying because for me the root of the problem was in the past. My brain had moved on, the past was over, the now was good: it had been a success in the end! But maybe my body had accumulated all the tension and was not able to let go. I do not know. It was like having a constant reminder of how much I had mistreated myself. In retrospect, I did what I had to do to get where I am now. I just wish I had remembered to appreciate myself and my efforts more during that period and to have done more for my well-being during that challenging time.

Hopefully, I will not forget the lesson. Challenging times always come back.






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