The middle point (again, I guess)

I see that there are some recurrent themes in this blog. I do not even remember some of the things that I have written, so probably I am repeating myself. It doesn't matter: the middle point is always important and worth repeating many times. 

This came about yesterday when I was talking with a colleague about my plans of coaching first-year students. We discussed that it is not an easy thing to do, especially because we need to relate to each other, and for that, students have to communicate what is going on with them.

First, we discussed students with low self-confidence. I think this is one of the main themes in coaching, because it is pervasive. But then, we started to discuss the opposite case: students that are over-confident or that are perfectionists. Well, they suffer too, and not only do they suffer: just like people with low self-confidence, they sabotage themselves, it is just that they use different strategies.

Students that have an identity of 'being good' or have a tendency towards perfectionism are the ones that hide themselves. They take every mistake as if it was the end of the world, because, for them, mistakes mean that they are a failure. Therefore, they try not to take on challenges or risks to avoid failure. Sometimes, they do not try really hard, because if they fail, then they can always tell themselves "If I had done it seriously, I would have made it".  Their worth as human beings is determined by the marks that they get. 

At the end of the day, this type of personality and those with low self-confidence are focused too much on "what does this say about me?", i.e., "what does this mistake say about me?", "What does this mark say about me?", "What does the opinion of others about me?" The two extremes touch themselves. 

So stop focusing on what things say about yourself and focus on the thing itself, because, that very thing is what you want, isn't it? That is the middle point: move your attention away from yourself and back to the activity. Then, you will allow mistakes, failure, risks and success. You will allow all, and all will happen.