Yes, I am (being) grumpy

-

This has been a tough week. Actually, it has been the third tough week in a row, and I have held up pretty well, just until now...

That's it! Negativity is winning the battle, and I know it. 

Prescription: keep distance from people (to avoid chewing someone's head off), take some rest, and sleep a lot. My source of stress is typically that I want to do too many things, too many projects. But that is also what gives me the drive, it is just that I can lose the balance. 

Anyway, I am just saying this because when negativity is winning the battle I know that I need to retreat. Keep fighting just pulls me deeper into the mud. Doing something from a state of negativity or anger just makes things worse. I know that I will even probably do things that I regret or that will give me a headache later. It is like going for a run in the middle of a terrible flu: you are just digging your grave.

So, grudgingly, grumpily, I retire and give myself time to restore, and stay away from my beautiful projects (just a little bit).



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Coaching (4): my experience of starting university

-
It was 2004 when I started mathematics at University.  In 2004 studies were not divided between Bachelor and Master. It was just one degree and it lasted 5 years. It is my understanding that that was pretty much the case in every European country, and things changed with the "Bologna plan". So, back in the day, in Spain, to become a mathematician, one had to study for 5 years, from which 3 years and a half were filled with compulsory subjects. Now, of course, things are very different in the study plans.  But some things do not change: the transition from high school to university was tough. Very tough. And we had to pass all the subjects of the first year (a total of 8) to be allowed to go into the second year (and you had to pay for every course that you registered to, and you could not de-register - you were given a fail -, and every time you had to repeat that subject, it became more expensive). Exams were written, at the end of each semester, and they had a fixed date. S
Read more

It is not that I am good at it: I just know how to learn

-
In the Spanish educational system (at least when I studied) we spent years studying English..., without learning it. We work hard..., work very hard even, but we do not work well. When I moved to France, I learned French and now in Austria, I am learning German. I tell you, I do not feel I have a special gift for languages, but now I am a much faster learner than before, and not only that: I do not work even a tenth so hard as I did. I understood that I had to enjoy learning German if I really wanted to master the language. It is not that I am good at it: I just know how to learn; what works and what does not work. And it is the same for any other discipline: there are methods in which one learns and there are other methods that, despite putting in a lot of time and hard work, the effectiveness is very low: it is not that you cannot learn, it is that you do not know how to learn. Of course, I am not saying that learning does not require effort. What I am saying is that it requires the
Read more

Impostor syndrome

-
The impostor syndrome is widespread. I know it is especially the case in academia. Many people suffer from it. They learn to live with it. I think it is not so easy to fight, it is a bit like that feeling of not "being good enough": it is a mental pattern that is very hard to get rid of. Actually, resisting it makes it stronger. In any case, I found myself doing more and more the things that I like, the way I like them, and this includes things that I am not asked to do (like writing a blog, or doing coaching sessions for the first year students, or trying to improve how we deal with diversity at the Faculty).  Yes, I am not "supposed" to be doing all these things. Nobody has asked for them. But I want to do them, I care for them, so I have the drive. This means that I am being myself: doing what I want, the way I want it. I do not feel like an impostor. I only feel like an impostor when I am trying to force myself to fit some pre-established mold or fixed idea. I
Read more